Today was just one of those days. You know the ones that I mean? After a night of fragmented dreams, restless legs and a hungry baby, I woke up feeling a little blurry and on edge. To my shame, Dan left for work knowing that I was annoyed with him over an unresolved issue that I have gotten just petty about. Between a fussy one year old who just wanted to be cuddled and a two and a half year old who kept falling off of things and getting hurt, I really didn’t allow my morning to go from bad to better. I rotated between stewing and simmering and being sorry for my lousy attitude most of the day. I tried to find reasons, explanations and justifications but really they just aren’t there. I tried to escape through facebook and various other social media but only ended up with sore eyes. I talked with a friend on the phone in the afternoon and while making supper managed to some what snap out of it. But I still feel vestiges of the ugly monster waiting to return. And in the quiet of my thoughts, I wonder why. I have read a few posts by friends lately as they walk through the intricacies of being moms at home with their kids and I hear and understand the longing for some quiet, some time to hear ones own thoughts or some time with the men that we married. Or sometimes just the cabin fever that the cold winds and snows force on us during these prairie winters. And yet, I know that these things are not my problem today. The truth is, I have time to myself and activities that I want to do. I am sitting here undisturbed in a silent house with a hot cup of tea. I get time to blog, to sew, to journal, to nap, to read. All things for me. I visited and did something with some one every. single. day last week. So why, why do I have days where I can continue to speak softly and patiently to my girls but where I don’t really engage them and I certainly don’t enter their world? Why do I choose to inflict pain on the husband who bends over backwards to love me? Who enters the house from work fully prepared to help with whatever he can, including getting both girls ready for bed and doing the dishes before leaving for music practice? Why is he the one that I shower with resentment? I wish that I was going to leave you with some deep meaningful thought that I have arrived at. Indeed, the ever hopeful in me refuses to allow this day to end this way. So as I sit here allowing the ugliness to melt away, words like patient, hope, love, kind, mercy, forgive, new, fresh, reconcile, no record of wrongs begin to chorus within.
One of those days
11 Tuesday Jan 2011
Confessions of a Young Mama 
Some days there are no answers- just grace to cover.
You are a woman built around that grace.
These days will come again- Last year I had a whole year of them- but then the sunlight peeps through. But never ever delete the struggling posts- I didn’t because they remind me of where I have been- and usually I get the most comments on them ( Not that I do them for that- but what I am saying is it resonates with people. People need to hear they are not alone.)
You did that today- with no answers- you answered:)
I want add my voice to the chorus: THANK-YOU for sharing with us honestly. Really, I need to know that I’m not the only mommy out there who has these days, who struggles, who stumbles…we’re all in this together, no matter how lonely we feel…and it helps to know how to pray for eachother. Sorry for the somewhat fragmented thoughts…had one of those days myself.
I just saw your comment. Travel friendly food… hmm that is always a hard one. I guess it depends on your resources. Is there a fridge where you could store food? Also what sort of things does your daughter like? Usually for traveling we do gf crackers with almond butter, fruit slices, or canned fruits if we don’t have any fresh on hand, and we bring a cooler with deli meats (of course you need to be careful with some deli meats because they can actaully have wheat fillers. Our boys love thier protien so we usually have to bring some sort of meat). There is a recipe that i have for “bread slabs” they are much better then any gluten free loaves of bread that i have made and tend to keep better. Depending on what sort of food they are serving at the retreat (like hamburgers) you could ask for just the meat and use the bread that you bring for her to use as the bun. Anyway I can give you the recipe if you would like. Just send me an e-mail. Those are usually our fall back plans… also we bring the boys favorite cereal and a carton of rice milk. Does she like cereal? Maybe some Rice Chex (i can’t remember if you guys have that up there or not). Anyway… Cereal could be another fast and easy option though be sure to check labels. HOpefully that’s helpful!!!
I forgot to add in there raw veggies, like carrots and celery… dried fruits.. whatever your daughter may like. My boys are big veggie eaters. And they can’t do peanut butter, so that’s why we do almond butter.
I love how you are so honest in your posts. I’ve had those days too. For me I think it’s because I put God on the back burner while focusing too much on things that I want to get done or want to do.
NO missy, don’t delete it! Though do share the gf recipe! I have MANY MANY… actually a little too many days like that. Sometimes weeks… sigh
In fact just today while i was having a hard time with the boys i just kept saying over and over in my head (and out loud while the children where playing elsewhere) “My children are not a burden, but a blessing” over and over and over… just so that i could keep myself calm.
Thanks for sharing this, it is amazing how someone else’s ability to share and be real can help us so much in our own journey. I can relate to these things for sure. I find it so hard to just face my own sin, in all it’s ugliness. Thankfully His mercies are new every morning!
All too well do I know this feeling!!
oh how fresh, how real. i love this post. but who said you could crawl into my brain and type out my thoughts?! seriously, similar hearts indeed.
Yes so fresh and so real that I am tempted to delete it and post a GF recipe instead:) That is a real part of my life too:)!